16 Feb | 2006

Prayer Life

I used to think that I was ok with my prayer habits. My prayers included the usual thanks and asking for forgiveness. But, when it came to praying for the things I wanted, I had a much different approach. I’ve always had a hard time deciphering how to ask. I know that what ever God’s will is he will do it. So why then I be choosy and ask for the things I wanted. You may so, because he said ask and you shall receive. But we know that what we receive in return for asking is God’s Will and whatever his answer is. That could include a “no” or “wait” answer. So, I often prayed something like “Lord, I really would like (insert request) but father, not my will but yours.”

It wasn’t until DH expressed his feelings of inadequacy with prayer that my prayer life shifted into a new dimension. After our discussion, I was moved to order a bible study about prayer and we’ve have been working through it. Along with that, I got a book with prayers to be said four times a day that seemed to jump out at me while ordering the bible study.

One thing that has become increasingly clear as we work through the bible study, is that I should be asking more directly for the things that I want to request.

I’ve also begun trying to work in those prayers that are said four times a day. When I go through those prayers, I ask directly for what I want.

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16 Feb | 2006

The Test of Family

For many years now, we’ve thought of our best friend’s family as family. We’ve been blessed with two friend’s whose families have adopted us and made us feel home. We cherish the love we get from them.

But somedays, I wonder why the Lord brought into our lives an accident prone family. Wow! The things that have happened to them since we’ve known them. I guess my brother never really did anything to get hurt growing up or even now- probably just lucky that his stupid decisions in life haven’t hurt him yet. So I didn’t have to deal with brothers getting hurt growing up.

But, now our friend and his brother, goodness gracious! As I write this I realize that it had actually been a while since either of them injured themselves enough that they went to the doctor. I guess it was just overdue. One injures themselves riding four wheelers or working on his house. The other’s passion for horses may one day actually kill him.

Well, the overdue came yesterday. Our friend was practicing roping and his thumb got stuck in the rope. Needless to say, we got the call from his brother that he was in the ER. I pray that he gets to keep his thumb and will have mobility in it. He and those horses! Thankfully he was around others this time. The last time he went into the hospital thanks to a horse accident, he broke his leg and was alone, in the middle of a pasture, and unable to reach his cell phone.

His brother, well, he’s not any better really at being safe. Just off the top of my head, he’s put a nail through his hand, collapsed a lung, and got a concussion when he flipped the four wheeler.

But you know, I look at how much they love their lives and the things that there work provides them. It makes me wonder if it’s the unsafe things in life that lead to the good things in life.

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15 Feb | 2006

2/15/2006

Dear Lord, today I give thanks for-

1) Putting good people around our friend when he injured himself
2) Friends that are like family
3) Answered Prayers and a possible new job opportunity
4) Leftover Macaroni and Cheese
5) That I get to ride to work with DH all day

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15 Feb | 2006

The Power of Macaroni and Cheese

“Give us this day our daily bread”
Matthew 6:11

My how the Lord meets our every need!
Our needs for food, our need for love, our needs for inner strength

I didn’t expect that DH and I would do anything special for Valentine’s day. He had court which usually means that he either doesn’t eat all day or eats late in the afternoon. For me, that meant we would not have any real dinner plans. (We really had not plans for Valentine’s day and didn’t even exchange cards). It turned out that he did eat late but he ate chinese. That meant he would be hungry at dinner. What is it about chinese food that doesn’t stick with you long?

There was no meat thawed out and we couldn’t afford to go out to eat. I had no idea what we would do for supper. That’s when I got a great Valentine’s Day Gift- and it was a the gift of some special moments. DH came up with excellant idea to have Macaroni and Cheese.

Now, mind you, it wasn’t the box Macaroni and Cheese. Nor the Stouffer’s kind of Macaroni and Cheese.

It was my Grandmother’s baked Macaroni and Cheese. There’s nothing like it in the world. DH knows how much I love that Mac and Cheese. What better gift could I get that the suggestion to have that for dinner. DH cut up the cheese and cooked the noodles for me. When it came time to put the macaroni and cheese together, DH was right by my side. He wanted to learn how to make one of my most favorite foods in the whole wide world.

What is it about the power of something like my Grandmother’s Mac and Cheese? As soon as you get the first bite, the world is a better place and you can’t help but smile. Foods like that can join families together and remind them of the love they share. A little over a year ago, when my grandmother passed away, I spent several days in the kitchen preparing meals for our family that visited. I could feel my grandmother’s presense as I prepared the things she had so lovingly made for her family for so many years. And, oh my, when that Macaroni and Cheese made it to the table. Everyone smiled. It was like a big sigh came over all of us as we enjoyed that family classic.

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14 Feb | 2006

2/14/2006 Gratitude

Lord, I thank you for:

1- A good gut check
2- Support of Friends
3- A Husband who stands behind the Porch
4- Getting rid of my file pile at work
5- DH trying to learn to make one of my favorite meals.

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14 Feb | 2006

The Unknown: Contrasts In Unrest And Peace

Psalm 13

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

As I look at what the next year hold’s for me, there are so many unknowns and I look forward to them unfolding in their own time.

For so long, I was stuck in the unknown and the forsaken. I knew that God had a plan but my vision was so blurred by my own grief and my agony. It seems that for five years I’ve searched for peace as I dealt with my own infertility. The unknowns consumed me. I could find no rest.

And now, as I turn the next chapter, I’ve found peace in the face of the unknown. We plan to adopt a sibling group. But from there, the unknowns begin.

Obviously, with our application not even sent in yet, there’s the possibility we won’t be able to adopt- or perhaps be given another “Not Yet” from God. And God may only have one child picked out for us. But, I’m not worried about that.

The real unknowns begin from there. From what we understand it may be possible to have children by May or June. And certainly is quite possible within the next 6 months. It could be longer and it could be sooner.

We don’t know how many children we’ll adopt. I’m partial to 3 or 4; DH is partial to 2 or 3. We feel we’re limited to no more than four because we only have one vehicle. While we’d love younger children, it isn’t a must. We’d like to have at least one girl and one boy and with that in mind along with home and regulation contraints- we couldn’t have no more than 2 of either sex. We aren’t worried about who is partial to what number- we know we’ll find out how many when God reveals our children to us. We also realize that God may reveal something that we aren’t anticipating- for example four girls or four boys or all older children.

Making plans for upcoming year is nearly impossible and I love it! My mother-in-law wanted us to look at tickets for a race this fall. Then we realized that we have no idea how many tickets we’d need if we could even make it.

But, in the face of all this, I’m at peace. What a welcomed difference from the days we were stuck in the previous chapter!

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13 Feb | 2006

2/13/2006 Gratitude

Oh Lord, I thank you this day for:

1) Bible Study with DH and its Insights
2) A Great Porch Team
3) Blogs
4) Surviving Wal-Mart
5) Sleeping Beside DH

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13 Feb | 2006

Expecting The Blessings Of Family

Psalm 25:4-5
“Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your turth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.”

It seems like I’ve been waiting for children for so long now. It’s been a long walk. I walk that’s taken so many turns. And now I feel as though I’m on the homestretch. I know that God probably still has at least a few more turns down this walk.

DH and I have always wanted children. For so many years, we didn’t buy anything without children in mind. We avoided sharp corners on furniture. We’ve bought vehicles based on space for children. We bought our home with extra bedrooms ready for a family. Then it seemed God played a cruel joke on us when we were ready to add the kids. It’s been a very long five years. The path God chose for us has been filled with disappointment, grief, and absolute agony beyond any measure we could have anticipated.

Now is the time to put all that behind us. We start what feels like the downhill stretch as we begin the adoption process- this year’s the year.

When I spoke of the changes coming to our lives in the near future with one of my dearest friends, she told me she’d keep me in my prayers “as God leads you and Cody to your children”. Those words resonate in my heart. God is leading Cody (DH) and I to our children. I pray for them everyday. And I can’t wait to meet them. It’s amazing how clear the journey has come for me in the past month. I can see God’s hand in all this and am finally completely at peace with the twists and turns our walk has taken.

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13 Feb | 2006

A Starting Point

May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, My Rock
and my Redeemer

~Psalm 19:14

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