Gratitude Project
So, the other day I was feeling pretty blue, when the idea for a Gratitude Project hit me.
My album consists of 30 things. Here’s what I chose:
Prayer
Faith
Love
DH
Family
Friends
My Nephew
Job
Smiles
The Bright Side
Music
Silence
Time
Adventure
Sunrises and Sunsets
Backroads
NCIS nights
Fires
A warm bed
comfort food
chocolate
trees
flowers
small town living
inspiration and ideas
hobbies
creativity
living life
family treasures
memories
I hope to share some of the pictures and finished pages as I have a chance to take pictures of these items, print, and include them in my album. You can read about how I created my album here.
The Atergater Ate His Arm
My Grandpa and Grandma Lantz would visit us at least once a year. For most of my childhood, they lived in Kansas City, Kansas until they later moved to Phoenix. Long before I was ever born, my grandfather had lost his arm in a printing press accident. It was at one time the family trade.
But, my Grandmother and I would tell you that he lost his arm when it was eaten by an alligator. (Or as our family called it- an atergator after my brother got the word wrong.) I remember vividly laying in my canopy bed with my grandmother. We would make up stories about how the atergator ate his arm. It was something that we did whenever I would get to see her.
At the time, it felt like the best place in the world. We would cuddle up in my bed and we’d tell stories. Each story was slightly different. But, it was always an atergator that chomped down on his arm. Being young, thankfully, the stories didn’t get gory after the chomping. . . that’s where the stories ended. My grandmother was always animated when she’d tell the stories and I’m sure I was quite silly. Sometimes my grandfather would get involved too!
I wish she was around to ask how the stories came about. I don’t remember. I would guess that it was in part because it was hard for a child to understand “printing press accident” or an attempt to make a child more comfortable with a grandfather who only had one hand. I do know that it’s one of my treasured memories from the little bit of time that I did get to spend with them.
Note: When looking through pictures of my grandma and grandpa that were posted online I found the above picture- one where he still had his arm. Of course, they were much older when I knew them. Looking through the pictures though, I found this one from the year before I was born. It’s remarkable to me how much she looks like I’ll always remember her.
Raw And Tired
Today, I was reading blogs that I usually try to keep up with and learned about a scrapbooking project for The Present. I originally read it on Cathy Zielske’s blog and then followed the link to Stacy Julian’s blog. The project is to take 10-12 pictures of life today and refer back to them for the next year so that you might feel grateful for all the things you have today. The feelings and the thoughts that came to mind have set me back. Back where I’ve been trying not to go, trying to avoid, trying to wait until I don’t feel so tired.
As I started to write this, one of my favorite songs has come across my MP3 player, one that makes me think of the way I feel right now. It’s like a good friend, though the song is a story about a couple that loses their grown son to a coal mining accident, it’s sentiment and it’s feeling, cut to the bone (as the song itself would put it.) And I guess that’s just how I feel. . . cut to the bone.
We learned long ago that you don’t doubt the good Lord’s plans, but some things are hard to take Lord, we’re just trying to understand. ~ Chris Knight, “Crooked Road”
But, gosh, Lord, I wish that in the next year of my life I’d have my kids- what if I don’t. Sometime during the craziness of the past two weeks, I wondered, what if God’s plan isn’t for us to have kids. I’m tired, it’s been a wild month. I’ve dealt with two hurricanes, allergies, not feeling well, not sleeping well, and eaked in a vacation. So, when the thought came across my mind or returns across my brain, I’ve pushed it aside. We’ve waited so long to have a family and I’m frustrated with the snails pace that we’ve faced. I don’t know whether I just don’t want to fathom that possibility or if I’m scared I’ll consider that path just to out of this uneasy restless impatient period in my life.
I truly hope that we get to experience the joy of parenting soon. Somedays I wonder if we need to start looking at a different group of children (i.e. ages, not siblings, etc), switch agencies, or even get out from under the circumstances that my job creates. Or do we stay steady along this path. I know that the major shift in our finances this month will likely also make a difference in how our home study is viewed.
Bottom line, is just as the song says, I can’t (and really don’t) doubt the good Lord’s plans but some things are hard to take and I’m trying to understand.
Damn the hard times, Damn the coal mines, damn the good dreams gone cold, while I’m at it, damn this crooked road. ~ Chris Knight, “Crooked Road”
This is the line of the song that nearly always moves me to tears. Of course, the coal mines don’t have anything to do with the way I feel. . . but perhaps the minefield of my mind. But, this line is what I feel about our situation these days. The feelings that swirl around aren’t always the easiest to deal with. It’s such a mixture of dreams, hopes, doubts, worry, and uncertainty. We attended a wedding this last month that we’d known was coming since early this year. How I hoped we’d have kids to bring and introduce to folks. That we’d be a family by now. And our kids aren’t here yet. . . they’re somewhere out there facing who knows what.
Even as blue as I feel, I know that project that really hit me like a ton of bricks today would be worthwhile. Hopefully, it would be an opportunity to remember how life was before we had kids- the good things and the things we’re glad have changed. I know some day, I’ll find an appreciation for this crooked road.
Prayers For Adoption
Prayer is something I struggle with at times. I don’t know what to pray for. I truly believe that God has his will and his plan for our lives and we don’t know what to ask for that fits in line with his plans for us. Generally, when I pray for our adoption, my prayers are for our kids in general- their current safety, finding our way to each other, that they will get here sooner or later.
Lately, though, I felt I needed to pray differently. It’s taken so long for us to get our kids. I hear people talk about how you should pray specifically for what you want. We recently turned in our interest form for a set of four adorable kids, Kaleigh, Kainaan, Kobin, and Kassie. (See them in action here or click on their names to find out more about them). We also submitted an interest form on a sibling group of two.
I began wondering if we should be praying for these four kids specifically. So, I began praying, Lord, if it is your will, bring Kaleigh, Kainann, Kobin, and Kassie (The 4 K’s) home to us. All the time wondering whether that was how I should be praying or not.
Within a couple of days, God provided an answer for what I’ve been struggling with. Two more sibling groups appeared on the web and it became clear that I should not be praying for a specific set but that I should wait until God tells me which kids are ours. One of the sibling groups that appeared is the two brothers for a sibling group we had submitted interest forms on before. They’ve tugged at my heart. DH and I talked about whether we would be able to handle the challenges that we know may come our way with these two boys. (I previously blogged about these kids but had left it in a draft form. . . I’m going to publish that post now as it seems so fitting.)We decided to submit an interest form on them along with another sibling group.
So currently, we have four recent interest forms submitted in addition to the ones we’ve already submitted or that our adoption agency has submitted.
Here are the most recent four (Links will take you to more info about them):
Kaleigh, Kainaan, Kobin, and Kassie ( (Videos(2))
So, I will continue to pray specifically for the things I want for our kids but will sit back, anxiously wait, and find out from God who are kids will be. I found I was so aware of this yesterday at church. I was completing the sign-in sheet that we use and paused at the blanks where you list your children. . . I sat and wondered, “What names will I be putting there?”
Kids In The Kitchen
One of the things that I strongly believe is that kids should be in the kitchen. They should be cooking right along side you. They’re really never too young to get a start. For one thing, it builds self-esteem, gives them attention, and builds upon family relationships. I also know that if you are having problems getting them to eat, it’s the fastest easiest way to get them to eat. . . they’ll eat what they cook.
My nephew has cooked with me since he was probably less than 2 years old. Pancakes are most likely his favorite thing to eat. He does it all himself. I love to watch him cook them now. And I always stand utterly amazed at the size of the pancakes he flips over. So much better at it than me.
The weekend of the blueberry festival was no exception. He and I baked a cobbler that we entered into the cobbler contest. He helped DH grill the chicken and helped me make the cornbread. And, we made a pie from scratch- pie crust, filling, and meringue. Seperating eggs with him was a real whoot! But we only messed one up and I think that was me and how I explained to him to do it. The next morning, he made pancakes . . . of course!
Here’s some pics of us in the kitchen. . . (DH likes to take advantage of me in these moments and snap shots. . ’cause he knows I want these moments captured.)
(It’s pictures like these that makes me just love my wide angle possibilities)
Now, the mess in the kitchen. . . well it cleans up. . . Always does no matter how big of a mess we make. And, let me tell you, we had a HUGE mess after this weekend.