Last Tuesday was the selection meeting for Ricky and James. We heard from our Social worker Tuesday before lunch. She had received a little bit more information about Ricky and James and the worker once again wanted to make sure we were still interested. And, of course, we were. Our worker told us that their worker said they’d have a decision likely the next week (this week.)
I was in sheer agony. It seemed like I was growing a permanent knot in my stomach. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t help but wonder is this God’s Will or have I convinced myself of that by my own doing. Everytime the phone rang, I jumped, sighed, and answered it never getting the answer I wanted.
Thursday, I broke down in tears and Cody and I had a long talk. Thankfully, we had a great diversion and went to see Chris Knight. Still as he sang one of my favorite songs, Enough Rope, I was reminded of the boys.
“I’m thankful for the things I have and all the things I don’t. I got dreams that will come true and I got some that won’t. Most of the time I walk the line wherever it goes, ’cause you can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope.”
And while I sat there I wished he would play Crooked Road. . . because I got this line stuck in my head:
“We learned long ago you can’t doubt the good Lord’s plans but some things is hard to take Lord, we’re just trying to understand.”
By the time Friday rolled around, I had no idea how I was going to make it through the weekend. I was reminded just how much we’ve struggled in the past 8 years to have a family. We attended a baby shower with Cody’s co-workers. They decided that I should have a baby so they could have another baby shower. Knowing they know we’re in the process of adopting a sibling group and that I don’t have the plumbing to have a baby, coupled with the long wait for word from the selection meeting, it really rubbed me the wrong way.
As we drove home, I remember thinking about this very long crooked road we’ve been down. I thought about the boys and how much I wanted to bring them home. I tried to figure out how on earth I was going to make it through the weekend, knowing we wouldn’t know one way or the other.
When we got home we checked our messages on our voice mail, our caseworker had called at 4:50 to say:
“I was just calling to let you know that you were selected for Ricky and James. You have officially been selected.”
We were (and are) so thrilled. I could breath like I haven’t been able to breathe all month. I kept taking deep breaths to let the air in- finally. Our next step will be reviewing the case file when we receive it.
I’m so thankful. Praise the Lord that we were selected. . . and that I didn’t have to make it through the weekend wondering.